Why is it that the people who are negative and drag you down are always the first ones to point out that YOU are indeed the negative one, not them?
I'm tired of negative energy, it is what it is and I can't live in a dark sad hole anymore...there is too much out there! :)
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
I Have Returned
I haven't written in here for months and months...i guess its because I felt like my life was falling apart and I was too busy crying and acting like a zombie to get on here and write it all out. I also had some huge internet issues...damn internet *shakes fist*
Soooo i'm back! Hopefully I will be able to remember and get on here more often now.
I'm now off to Sir Pizza to celebrate my favorite cousin who is done with nursing school now! Then off to the bar across the street, which is apparently a lesbian bar...my cousin says its a fun bar though, so we shall see! Maybe i'll get hit on, that would be a change from any normal bar lol
Soooo i'm back! Hopefully I will be able to remember and get on here more often now.
I'm now off to Sir Pizza to celebrate my favorite cousin who is done with nursing school now! Then off to the bar across the street, which is apparently a lesbian bar...my cousin says its a fun bar though, so we shall see! Maybe i'll get hit on, that would be a change from any normal bar lol
Monday, July 19, 2010
Bella
Poor Bella Swan. I totally understand what she is going through right now, she knows what the right thing to do is but she has the constant reminder of what other choice she could have. Both Edward and Jacob love her, and she loves both of them too. She knows she is suppsed to be with Edward, he is her other half. But she loves Jacob too...I have always wanted two guys to fawn all over me and love me.
I never understood that someone would get hurt.
Now I have an Edward and a Jacob, and it hurts me inside.
I know I belong with my Edward but I think I love my Jacob too.
I am Bella.
I never understood that someone would get hurt.
Now I have an Edward and a Jacob, and it hurts me inside.
I know I belong with my Edward but I think I love my Jacob too.
I am Bella.
A Letter From the Heart
Dear Cuntbag,
You are a fucking whore. I hate you and am tired of your attitude and paranoia. I don't enjoy living in your storage locker despite what you may believe. I am also tired of your holier than thou attitude and your fucking drama. Feel free to get some perscription drugs for that, strong ones. And another thing, please don't think that I need to inform you of my exact time of arrival home, if i'm home i'm home, if i'm not...don't concern yourself. And do not lock me out of my own apartment (since I pay half the rent) with the doorstop that I brought to the apartment. Just FYI, there is no boogeyman so it's really not necessary to sleep with the light in the livingroom on and your door open. there are no ghosts in the apartment so the only thing there to bother you in the night would be me. And i'm in my own room. In light of this fact, I really don't think it's necessary to sleep with the bb gun loaded and sitting on your mattress on the floor next to your head...
I hate to be a bitch, but since you have stopped treating me with the respect of a friend and adult i'll feel free to say this...I hope you never have children, you would be a terrible mother and your children would be miserable and have more psychological issues than you and their grandmother. I also hope that you don't get married, this is for the sake of your would be husband. The man would be so weak and bent that after living with you too long he will become a shell of a human. The only end to that marriage would be you killing him for thinking he was cheating on you, or him getting depressed and killing himself or you and the children so that they won't have to suffer any longer with you either.
Side note, I know now why you have such a difficult time maintaining friendships...you're a fucking bitch. If your husband shot you in the face and killed you I believe that your brother and your mother would be the only ones to miss you...because honestly, who else would your mom have to manipulate? And how would babysit for your brother? On the bright side, maybe another filthy loose slut will come along to take your place.
P.S. Yes, you do have a big nose. I lied.
You are a fucking whore. I hate you and am tired of your attitude and paranoia. I don't enjoy living in your storage locker despite what you may believe. I am also tired of your holier than thou attitude and your fucking drama. Feel free to get some perscription drugs for that, strong ones. And another thing, please don't think that I need to inform you of my exact time of arrival home, if i'm home i'm home, if i'm not...don't concern yourself. And do not lock me out of my own apartment (since I pay half the rent) with the doorstop that I brought to the apartment. Just FYI, there is no boogeyman so it's really not necessary to sleep with the light in the livingroom on and your door open. there are no ghosts in the apartment so the only thing there to bother you in the night would be me. And i'm in my own room. In light of this fact, I really don't think it's necessary to sleep with the bb gun loaded and sitting on your mattress on the floor next to your head...
I hate to be a bitch, but since you have stopped treating me with the respect of a friend and adult i'll feel free to say this...I hope you never have children, you would be a terrible mother and your children would be miserable and have more psychological issues than you and their grandmother. I also hope that you don't get married, this is for the sake of your would be husband. The man would be so weak and bent that after living with you too long he will become a shell of a human. The only end to that marriage would be you killing him for thinking he was cheating on you, or him getting depressed and killing himself or you and the children so that they won't have to suffer any longer with you either.
Side note, I know now why you have such a difficult time maintaining friendships...you're a fucking bitch. If your husband shot you in the face and killed you I believe that your brother and your mother would be the only ones to miss you...because honestly, who else would your mom have to manipulate? And how would babysit for your brother? On the bright side, maybe another filthy loose slut will come along to take your place.
P.S. Yes, you do have a big nose. I lied.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Sea of Deceit II
The tingly nipples and porn star double D's showed up after the failure of my "red army" to invade and made me wonder. A couple of weeks of throwing up and being sick as a dog fueled the flame of my suspicion. The plus sign on that precious little pee stick closed the deal for me. I was so excited that I quite literally began to squeal and do what I like to refer to as my "happy dance." After years of thinking about it, and wondering what it would be like and feel like, it was suddenly my turn to find out. My turn to have a baby!
It had happened the night before David had to go to sea. I wanted him to think about me on all those long lonely nights, I wanted to send my sailor off to that Carrier properly. We lay in bed for hours until the alarm next to our bed went off and signaled the beginning of my heartache. As he drove away I let the tear roll down my face, I am not really sure why but it felt like the right thing to do, seemed poetic or something. I am really not sure. That night was like hell without him. I tossed and turned all night and could think of nothing but him. I broke down and cried, something I had not done since my dog died when I was twelve. I was honestly on the verge of a panic attack thinking about how lonely I was laying in our bed. Weeping like a child seemed to calm me down, or maybe it was the picture in my head of what an idiot I look like when I cry. Either way I calmed myself and checked my phone for texts from David to see if he had made it alright. I feel asleep with my phone in hand that night.
Dr. Bellows was taking forever to get into my examining room. I twisted my long red ponytail around my finger again and again impatiently, I hated the doctors office more than just about anything and I had already been sitting in one for nearly an hour. I was fiddling with my short red nails when the Dr. finally came in, the older woman smiled up at me. "Good Morning Mrs. Bertuzzi, chart says you are newly pregnant...congratulations! Now let's have a look..."
The rest of the appointment went by quickly, thank goodness, and I was on my way home. Having confirmed it with Dr. Bellows that I was indeed pregnant my next step was to make it home safely...and think of baby names at the same time. As I walked to my Mustang in the parking lot I wondered sadly if I could fit a baby seat in the backseat. I already knew the answer. I gave my pretty orange car a little pat as I got inside, "I know, I know Mustangs aren't family cars." I flipped the car key and felt a rush as the engine roared to life with muscled power and the cd player blared my Rockabilly music. "Damn mini-vans." I muttered as I slammed the orange door closed and put on my aviators.
It had happened the night before David had to go to sea. I wanted him to think about me on all those long lonely nights, I wanted to send my sailor off to that Carrier properly. We lay in bed for hours until the alarm next to our bed went off and signaled the beginning of my heartache. As he drove away I let the tear roll down my face, I am not really sure why but it felt like the right thing to do, seemed poetic or something. I am really not sure. That night was like hell without him. I tossed and turned all night and could think of nothing but him. I broke down and cried, something I had not done since my dog died when I was twelve. I was honestly on the verge of a panic attack thinking about how lonely I was laying in our bed. Weeping like a child seemed to calm me down, or maybe it was the picture in my head of what an idiot I look like when I cry. Either way I calmed myself and checked my phone for texts from David to see if he had made it alright. I feel asleep with my phone in hand that night.
Dr. Bellows was taking forever to get into my examining room. I twisted my long red ponytail around my finger again and again impatiently, I hated the doctors office more than just about anything and I had already been sitting in one for nearly an hour. I was fiddling with my short red nails when the Dr. finally came in, the older woman smiled up at me. "Good Morning Mrs. Bertuzzi, chart says you are newly pregnant...congratulations! Now let's have a look..."
The rest of the appointment went by quickly, thank goodness, and I was on my way home. Having confirmed it with Dr. Bellows that I was indeed pregnant my next step was to make it home safely...and think of baby names at the same time. As I walked to my Mustang in the parking lot I wondered sadly if I could fit a baby seat in the backseat. I already knew the answer. I gave my pretty orange car a little pat as I got inside, "I know, I know Mustangs aren't family cars." I flipped the car key and felt a rush as the engine roared to life with muscled power and the cd player blared my Rockabilly music. "Damn mini-vans." I muttered as I slammed the orange door closed and put on my aviators.
Sea of Deceit
Our first real date was a demolition derby at the county fair. The smell of deep fried goodies and sweet treats in the air all around us. Lights from the rides had begun to turn on as we left the grandstand, David took my hand and led me to the scrambler, we laughed and smiled like crazies getting off the thing. David kissed me for the first time that night. That is the night that all the magic began. Him and I. Nicky and David.
Fast forward another year, and here I am, still with my magic man. My Navy man. David. I hardly noticed the cold on my face or the huge snowflakes that landed on my hair and on my eyelashes. What I did notice was how silent it seemed to be all around us like we were the only human beings left in the world.
The night was dark and the sky was something like a romantic shade of purple, it looked like silk above the earth. Holding David's arm we walked through the snowy night, so in love that to us nothing else mattered, nothing but us and this night we were walking in. David leaned into me pulling me closer to him, he kissed my forehead and smiled at me. Snow fell around us, sildent and fluffy. It landed on the thin twisted fingers of trees all over the park, bushes and shrubs took on the appearance of huge dollups of french vanilla ice cream.
Our feet carried us to the gazebo in the middle of the park, covered with snow and tucked away from the rest of the world. Not wanting to break the silence we were in, we sat down in the gazebo and talked with our hands and eyes, saying things our minds could understand but our mouths could never hope to understand or compare with. A kind of magic passed between us through our fingertips, the way I felt was my soul finding a perfect peace inside the soul of the man sitting here next to me tonight. "It's perfect here isn't it? Just like you, perfect." David touched my face as he spoke, I smiled and laid my cool cheek against his loving hand.
"Nicky I have wanted to give this to you since the day that I met you. Now I can't wait anymore." He smiled and dug out a small ring box. Heat and a coolness swept all up and down my body, my legs tingled and a field of monarchs had taken my stomach hostage. "Will you be my wife?" David asked me as he lifted the lid on the ring box. I stared at the ring inside, funny that somethinbg so small could change my life so much. It was a silver band with a pink opal in the center, my birthstone, he knew me too well. I am fairly certain I sat in that gazebo with my mouth handing open looking dumb for about an hour before David gave a quiet laugh at my expense which made me snap back to the moment, and the question at hand.
"...Yes, I would love that." I said, hugging my sailor like someone might try and take him from me. I pulled my head off his shoulder only long enough to kiss him and tell him I loved him. We held eachother in that gazebo with the snow falling around us, he whispered in my ear that we would be so happy together. My only reply was to hold his body. I knew at that moment that this was the happiest I had ever been. Definately the best day of my life.
Until Today.
Fast forward another year, and here I am, still with my magic man. My Navy man. David. I hardly noticed the cold on my face or the huge snowflakes that landed on my hair and on my eyelashes. What I did notice was how silent it seemed to be all around us like we were the only human beings left in the world.
The night was dark and the sky was something like a romantic shade of purple, it looked like silk above the earth. Holding David's arm we walked through the snowy night, so in love that to us nothing else mattered, nothing but us and this night we were walking in. David leaned into me pulling me closer to him, he kissed my forehead and smiled at me. Snow fell around us, sildent and fluffy. It landed on the thin twisted fingers of trees all over the park, bushes and shrubs took on the appearance of huge dollups of french vanilla ice cream.
Our feet carried us to the gazebo in the middle of the park, covered with snow and tucked away from the rest of the world. Not wanting to break the silence we were in, we sat down in the gazebo and talked with our hands and eyes, saying things our minds could understand but our mouths could never hope to understand or compare with. A kind of magic passed between us through our fingertips, the way I felt was my soul finding a perfect peace inside the soul of the man sitting here next to me tonight. "It's perfect here isn't it? Just like you, perfect." David touched my face as he spoke, I smiled and laid my cool cheek against his loving hand.
"Nicky I have wanted to give this to you since the day that I met you. Now I can't wait anymore." He smiled and dug out a small ring box. Heat and a coolness swept all up and down my body, my legs tingled and a field of monarchs had taken my stomach hostage. "Will you be my wife?" David asked me as he lifted the lid on the ring box. I stared at the ring inside, funny that somethinbg so small could change my life so much. It was a silver band with a pink opal in the center, my birthstone, he knew me too well. I am fairly certain I sat in that gazebo with my mouth handing open looking dumb for about an hour before David gave a quiet laugh at my expense which made me snap back to the moment, and the question at hand.
"...Yes, I would love that." I said, hugging my sailor like someone might try and take him from me. I pulled my head off his shoulder only long enough to kiss him and tell him I loved him. We held eachother in that gazebo with the snow falling around us, he whispered in my ear that we would be so happy together. My only reply was to hold his body. I knew at that moment that this was the happiest I had ever been. Definately the best day of my life.
Until Today.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Arizona
I'm studying and getting ready for finals, unfortunately Miss Rockabilly Misfit has summer classes allll fuckin summer. Major suckage. I am also looking for a summer job up here in Mt. Hickabilly, my roomate and I filled out job apps (she needs a job badly and hasn't had one for like a year)...the first and only place I turn one in the manager calls me and offers me an interview...somebody wasn't happy about that *evil giggle*
So once the first set of summer classes are over I am going to fly to Arizona with my grandma! She says she's going to pay for my ticket but she says a lot of things lol. We are flying down to see my aunt and her new husband. I'm really excited because a. I need a vacation b. I want to see my favorite aunt c. I've never been to AZ and... most importantly
my Sailor will be home on leave so I can go see him and meet his family!!
my little heart flutters at the thought and I feel like getting up and doing a crazy excited too much caffeine dance right now....AGHHHHH!
I have been waiting for this for like three years, knowing my luck it will get fucked up somehow lol, but I pray that it will be the trip I imagine it will be.
<3 Miss Lovestruck Misfit <3
So once the first set of summer classes are over I am going to fly to Arizona with my grandma! She says she's going to pay for my ticket but she says a lot of things lol. We are flying down to see my aunt and her new husband. I'm really excited because a. I need a vacation b. I want to see my favorite aunt c. I've never been to AZ and... most importantly
my Sailor will be home on leave so I can go see him and meet his family!!
my little heart flutters at the thought and I feel like getting up and doing a crazy excited too much caffeine dance right now....AGHHHHH!
I have been waiting for this for like three years, knowing my luck it will get fucked up somehow lol, but I pray that it will be the trip I imagine it will be.
<3 Miss Lovestruck Misfit <3
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