The tingly nipples and porn star double D's showed up after the failure of my "red army" to invade and made me wonder. A couple of weeks of throwing up and being sick as a dog fueled the flame of my suspicion. The plus sign on that precious little pee stick closed the deal for me. I was so excited that I quite literally began to squeal and do what I like to refer to as my "happy dance." After years of thinking about it, and wondering what it would be like and feel like, it was suddenly my turn to find out. My turn to have a baby!
It had happened the night before David had to go to sea. I wanted him to think about me on all those long lonely nights, I wanted to send my sailor off to that Carrier properly. We lay in bed for hours until the alarm next to our bed went off and signaled the beginning of my heartache. As he drove away I let the tear roll down my face, I am not really sure why but it felt like the right thing to do, seemed poetic or something. I am really not sure. That night was like hell without him. I tossed and turned all night and could think of nothing but him. I broke down and cried, something I had not done since my dog died when I was twelve. I was honestly on the verge of a panic attack thinking about how lonely I was laying in our bed. Weeping like a child seemed to calm me down, or maybe it was the picture in my head of what an idiot I look like when I cry. Either way I calmed myself and checked my phone for texts from David to see if he had made it alright. I feel asleep with my phone in hand that night.
Dr. Bellows was taking forever to get into my examining room. I twisted my long red ponytail around my finger again and again impatiently, I hated the doctors office more than just about anything and I had already been sitting in one for nearly an hour. I was fiddling with my short red nails when the Dr. finally came in, the older woman smiled up at me. "Good Morning Mrs. Bertuzzi, chart says you are newly pregnant...congratulations! Now let's have a look..."
The rest of the appointment went by quickly, thank goodness, and I was on my way home. Having confirmed it with Dr. Bellows that I was indeed pregnant my next step was to make it home safely...and think of baby names at the same time. As I walked to my Mustang in the parking lot I wondered sadly if I could fit a baby seat in the backseat. I already knew the answer. I gave my pretty orange car a little pat as I got inside, "I know, I know Mustangs aren't family cars." I flipped the car key and felt a rush as the engine roared to life with muscled power and the cd player blared my Rockabilly music. "Damn mini-vans." I muttered as I slammed the orange door closed and put on my aviators.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Sea of Deceit
Our first real date was a demolition derby at the county fair. The smell of deep fried goodies and sweet treats in the air all around us. Lights from the rides had begun to turn on as we left the grandstand, David took my hand and led me to the scrambler, we laughed and smiled like crazies getting off the thing. David kissed me for the first time that night. That is the night that all the magic began. Him and I. Nicky and David.
Fast forward another year, and here I am, still with my magic man. My Navy man. David. I hardly noticed the cold on my face or the huge snowflakes that landed on my hair and on my eyelashes. What I did notice was how silent it seemed to be all around us like we were the only human beings left in the world.
The night was dark and the sky was something like a romantic shade of purple, it looked like silk above the earth. Holding David's arm we walked through the snowy night, so in love that to us nothing else mattered, nothing but us and this night we were walking in. David leaned into me pulling me closer to him, he kissed my forehead and smiled at me. Snow fell around us, sildent and fluffy. It landed on the thin twisted fingers of trees all over the park, bushes and shrubs took on the appearance of huge dollups of french vanilla ice cream.
Our feet carried us to the gazebo in the middle of the park, covered with snow and tucked away from the rest of the world. Not wanting to break the silence we were in, we sat down in the gazebo and talked with our hands and eyes, saying things our minds could understand but our mouths could never hope to understand or compare with. A kind of magic passed between us through our fingertips, the way I felt was my soul finding a perfect peace inside the soul of the man sitting here next to me tonight. "It's perfect here isn't it? Just like you, perfect." David touched my face as he spoke, I smiled and laid my cool cheek against his loving hand.
"Nicky I have wanted to give this to you since the day that I met you. Now I can't wait anymore." He smiled and dug out a small ring box. Heat and a coolness swept all up and down my body, my legs tingled and a field of monarchs had taken my stomach hostage. "Will you be my wife?" David asked me as he lifted the lid on the ring box. I stared at the ring inside, funny that somethinbg so small could change my life so much. It was a silver band with a pink opal in the center, my birthstone, he knew me too well. I am fairly certain I sat in that gazebo with my mouth handing open looking dumb for about an hour before David gave a quiet laugh at my expense which made me snap back to the moment, and the question at hand.
"...Yes, I would love that." I said, hugging my sailor like someone might try and take him from me. I pulled my head off his shoulder only long enough to kiss him and tell him I loved him. We held eachother in that gazebo with the snow falling around us, he whispered in my ear that we would be so happy together. My only reply was to hold his body. I knew at that moment that this was the happiest I had ever been. Definately the best day of my life.
Until Today.
Fast forward another year, and here I am, still with my magic man. My Navy man. David. I hardly noticed the cold on my face or the huge snowflakes that landed on my hair and on my eyelashes. What I did notice was how silent it seemed to be all around us like we were the only human beings left in the world.
The night was dark and the sky was something like a romantic shade of purple, it looked like silk above the earth. Holding David's arm we walked through the snowy night, so in love that to us nothing else mattered, nothing but us and this night we were walking in. David leaned into me pulling me closer to him, he kissed my forehead and smiled at me. Snow fell around us, sildent and fluffy. It landed on the thin twisted fingers of trees all over the park, bushes and shrubs took on the appearance of huge dollups of french vanilla ice cream.
Our feet carried us to the gazebo in the middle of the park, covered with snow and tucked away from the rest of the world. Not wanting to break the silence we were in, we sat down in the gazebo and talked with our hands and eyes, saying things our minds could understand but our mouths could never hope to understand or compare with. A kind of magic passed between us through our fingertips, the way I felt was my soul finding a perfect peace inside the soul of the man sitting here next to me tonight. "It's perfect here isn't it? Just like you, perfect." David touched my face as he spoke, I smiled and laid my cool cheek against his loving hand.
"Nicky I have wanted to give this to you since the day that I met you. Now I can't wait anymore." He smiled and dug out a small ring box. Heat and a coolness swept all up and down my body, my legs tingled and a field of monarchs had taken my stomach hostage. "Will you be my wife?" David asked me as he lifted the lid on the ring box. I stared at the ring inside, funny that somethinbg so small could change my life so much. It was a silver band with a pink opal in the center, my birthstone, he knew me too well. I am fairly certain I sat in that gazebo with my mouth handing open looking dumb for about an hour before David gave a quiet laugh at my expense which made me snap back to the moment, and the question at hand.
"...Yes, I would love that." I said, hugging my sailor like someone might try and take him from me. I pulled my head off his shoulder only long enough to kiss him and tell him I loved him. We held eachother in that gazebo with the snow falling around us, he whispered in my ear that we would be so happy together. My only reply was to hold his body. I knew at that moment that this was the happiest I had ever been. Definately the best day of my life.
Until Today.
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